Cute Brunts - Idiomatic Phrase of The Day

meerkat fascist

2008-05-14

Gordon had all the other suricates marching up and down the Kalahari Desert in army uniforms. He even had new theories about planned corporate economies and scapegoating the springboks. He was a real meerkat fascist.

gloved marksman

2008-05-13

According to Columbo, if you want to be murdered secretly, the best way is to be shot by a gloved marksman.

underpants fishmonger

2008-05-12

Remember when your mum used to ask if you'd changed your underwear because of the embarrassment it would cause if you had an accident. For god's sake listen to her. If paramedics assess your briefs to be too uncouth and smelly they send for the nearest underpants fishmonger. After that experience, I tell you, you'll never see a pair of Marigolds and a halibut in the same light again.

donkey prescribed

2008-05-11

As doctors become more overworked, it is increasingle likely that our pills and potions will become donkey prescribed. Mexico currently has the largest number of donkey doctors, who weren't quite good enough to study veterinary medicine.

cardinal chucking

2008-05-10

You might think the recent phemonena of 'dwarf throwing' as something shocking, but this is nothing compared to what used to go on with the Anti-Popes of Avignon.

Bored and cheesed off with not being the real Pope, the Anti-Popes of the 13th and 14th century used to partake in a bit of cardinal chucking. This entailed literally throwing diminutive senior clerics using a catapult at a massive ecclesiatical 'dart board'. A bull's eye was known as a monk's tonsure and if you missed altogether of course you got 'nun'. This is also why bishops hats are so sharp and pointy, just in case a pope pops in and wants a bit of a 'chuck'.

midshipman groin

2008-05-09

Standing hours on end amidships with a telescope down your trousers can often lead to midshipman groin. This occurs when the pressure of the telescope restricts blood flow and causes unnecessary shrinkage around the bowsprit. It's not very painful and can easily be cured by a tot of rum and a nice cuddle from the captain.

pudding jellyfication

2008-05-08

The act of transforming a failed dessert into a tasty wonderland for kids, is described as pudding jellyfication. The application of jelly (usually, but not limited to, strawberry), followed by an inch or so of Dream Topping helps any dessert pick itself up from the table and launch itself into the mouths of children.